As I might have mentioned before, my friend JS is nearing retirement and has family responsibilities that take up much of her time and money. Her current plans are to work in her new job for the next two years, then move to Florida for her retirement. A problematic complication is that her daughter wants to live with (or near) her mother and that her daughter wants to go to college near where JS works in New York.
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Recently, JS and I had an interesting conversation via text:
My daughter is giving me the freaking silent treatment because I said I need to eventually move
You want to move and live where it’s warm and less expensive. She can’t deal with change, as she’s probably afraid of adult struggles
She says I can't leave her. Says she can't go back to FL Am I fucking stuck because of her?!?!?
No, but you will want to move anyway. I think she will have to grow up if you make her do so. I’m not sure of how to do it, as I am not a parent. Don’t neglect your son and his issues. He is a happy healthy person as I understand it. But he is still not yet independent.
I met with financial advisor today who said I can retire now and should move to Century village now. My daughter had a freaking cow when I mentioned it
Her problem. Just make sure that you invite me down in the winter....
I don't see it happening for another year.
Be honest and tell her this. She will always be able to live with you. But she has to learn how to live on her own. No matter what you do, no matter how many people you talk to, your decision is yours not mine or anyone else's. You will know the right thing to do when it's time to do it.
She's having a shit fit
Her problem again. Don’t let her crucify you. She’ll need the year to prepare herself
That's what I think. Financial advisor says to do it now, but that's just not going to work
One year would be respectable. You should stay on your new job for a year. Then use family reasons to retire. Be careful though, as your daughter may need medical insurance on your plan.
Financial advisor says she can get my daughter insurance Waiting the year risks real estate downturn, which is quite likely. But, I really can't pull the rug out from under her feet right now.
Damned if you do and damned if you don't. I think you'll probably be okay until the end of the school year. After that anything goes.
Yup But don't you think it's fair to give a year, come what may?
Well a year is usually going to be from roughly now to the end of June / early July. If it's not exactly a year you at least gave them a full school year which is the most important thing.
And my daughter...
That was the gist of our first chat. Although I could go on, JS's financial advisor doesn't engender much trust from what JS has said. We chatted more over the next day, and I got more of the details of what's going on - and I want to be there when she next meets with the advisor. I am not sure if the person is acting in JS's best interest, and I want to see that this interest is served. JS is overwhelmed by the headaches of dealing with her daughter, seeing that she gets the health treatment she needs, and makes it possible for her daughter to get the education she needs for her future. So it is essential that someone is there for JS as she prepares to make some of the most important decisions of her life.
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Given that JS has to do this all on her own, I think it's a miracle that she hasn't slit her throat by now. So, if I can, I'll be there for "moral support" while she deals with the headaches she'll likely have over the next month or so....