Monday, July 16, 2018

Quickie: An accidental email I received.

The above picture was taken about 8 years ago, a reminder to me about why I was going to break up with Ex-GF-M. Her apartment was filled with clutter, and even the Living Room had way too much stuff in the way for it to be used without taking time to clear out the clutter. So I was very surprised today when I found an email coming from her account - even though she passed away several months ago.

Background for new readers of this blog:
  1. I dated Ex-GF-M from 2003-2011.
  2. Ex-GF-M was heavier than I am, and her health was deteriorating all the time I was dating her. As a food addict myself, I decided I had to leave her sometime in 2010, but didn't have the self esteem to do so until the next year.
  3. The steps in Ex-GF-M's upstairs apartment were dangerous in bad weather, and she needed to hire people to clean her steps to get out of the house.
  4. Sometime in 2012-2013, Ex-GF-M moved into the downstairs apartment with Mother in Law. (She was widowed in 2008 or 2009 and shared the building with her Mother in Law.)
  5. Ex-GF-M was injured while taking care of her parents in Florida.  This left her needing a cane to walk.
  6. During the next few years, she adopted 3 dogs.  (When we dated, she said that she would never have pets.  It's amazing how people change given new circumstances in life.)
  7. One year, I was there to pay respects at her mother's wake before going to a Widow/Widower gathering. We agreed to meet for dinner.
  8. When we finally met for dinner, I met her as Marian. And that was how I met her each time afterwards.
  9. On my last visit in 2017, her apartment reeked of dogs.  She was no longer able to take care of herself, her mother in law, or her pets. The building had started to show important signs of neglect, but Ex-GF-M was unable to live on her own anymore.
  10. Shortly after my last visit, her mother in law died. Ex-GF-M was truly alone, and was not allowing her family to visit.
  11. At the end of March, Ex-GF-M died. Her family felt that Ex-GF-M's death was preventable - but Ex-GF-M refused all help.  They also said that everything in the house would have to be put in the dumpster - the place was infested with vermin.

The messages:

I presume this ( is your email address. Just saw an
email come in from M's account, and wanted to know that this was

How are things going over there?  I was by M's house a couple of
times recently, taking the subway in from her station.  It looks like
you've started to do some rehab on the place, as the lower front window
has been replaced AND the laundry room door is new. How much have the
cleanup have you been able to do?  I'll bet that everything is taking
much longer than expected.

- - - - - -

Sorry am error- she hoarded emails too. Over 6200. 
Things moving along   We had to hire clean up crew. Only 1 piece of furniture left to go to L’s. Virtually everything had to be tossed. 13 truck loads. Now just working with the lawyers. 
- - - - - -

Hopefully, the clothes and handbags could go to a charity.  Books to a library, etc....

- - - - - -

Unfortunately severe rodent infestation. We were advised not to take anything for fear of contamination. Through out virtually everything. $$ wasted was staggering. 

- - - - - -

Rereading your first message, as soon as you said 14 truck loads, I realized that that had to have included both clothes, accessories, books, and other stuff.  I can't imagine how bad it had to be upstairs after years of not being used.  I know downstairs was extremely bad, as I visited it 6 months before she died.  The smell overpowered me.  I've only been in one other house where animal smell was that bad, and the worst of it is limited to one room.

Hopefully, the lawyers won't eat up the proceeds from the house. It's a simple textbook problem for a lawyer skilled in handling estates.  But you can never be sure of where a complication will pop up.

- - - - - -

In many ways, I'm glad to be able to say that I didn't get a picture of Ex-GF-M or her place at its worst.  I prefer to remember her with a smile on her face.  I'm also glad that her brother accidentally sent me a message, as I had the excuse to chat with him over some emails and see how far they've gotten.  It's doubtful he'll slip up and send any more messages. But it's nice to know that life is moving on for the family as well....

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