Friday, June 8, 2018

Quickie: The last game night in May...

Each time I look at a picture of me as a female, I think to myself: "Damn, I wish I had some hips and a nice behind!"  Over time, I've learned to accept imperfections in my feminine presentation, and to do things which cisgender women might do - such as casually wearing sneakers with a dress to appear more casual. And for the most part, I think I blend in enough to be accepted as a female 99% of the time or more.

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Being in feminine mode is nice.  But I am not always sure of whether to invite a woman for coffee, just to build a non-romantic friendship. Is she turned off by me being trans, but is being polite in a place where I'm accepted?  Is she unsure of asking me for anything?  It's so hard developing new friendships at my age. 

Of course, I'd love to have a romantic relationship with someone who was either comfortable being with a cross dresser, or to be with a trans person who might eventually medically transition to be fully female.  This may not be a realistic wish, but it is something I can dream about.  Although Lili and her friend L say that there is a lid for every pot, I've accepted the fact that I might not ever have another romantic interest if I socially transition to a 24x7 life as Marian.

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Going to game night tonight, I feel that I can see the current limits of my acceptance.  Some people will invite me into their lives as a friendly acquaintance, but very few will go much further. And for now, that may be the best I can hope for - except to win a few more games each Thursday night...

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