Monday, May 7, 2018

Going back to 2 and 3 night weekends with GFJ

One of the things I liked about taking my speech therapy sessions on Saturday Mornings was that I could usually schedule Friday evenings for "Me Time". If I wanted to see the Cat Lady, I could do so without much of a problem.  If I wanted to do a surprise visit to  my dad, it wasn't a problem either.  It was a weekend evening I had to myself that I could do what I pleased.  And now, it's ending....

As much as I love being with GFJ, I also loved having predictable time to myself.  Yes, all I had to do was to tell her that I'm going out to see my niece at a museum, and GFJ would be OK with this. But this does get in the way of having some predictable Marian Mode time for myself.

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One of the problems of having a relationship with someone special is scheduling one's own time.  Schedule too much for oneself, and it hurts the relationship.  Schedule too much as a couple, and each individual is hurt.  So each partner has to find a sweet spot, and hope that it is comfortable for the other partner in the relationship.

Assuming that I go back to speech therapy in the fall as planned, I'll still have Saturday mornings free during the summer. And this means GFJ will be putting more demands on my time.  I will likely have 1 to 1+1/2 days less I can be out and about as Marian and have less opportunities to meet with friends as Marian.  Lili still pushes me to find someone who both accepts and embraces me in both Mario and Marian modes. But I doubt that I'd be lucky enough to find someone that is comfortable with me and that I am just as comfortable with her.

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Lili still says that for each pot there is a lid.  I've grown to appreciate the fact that this isn't true, and to live with a life where some things are left abandoned while others have been developed fully.  Trade-off?   Yes.  But it allows me to pursue maximum fulfillment and happiness.

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