Thursday, February 8, 2018

This space intentially left blank.

How many times have you wanted to do nothing, and couldn't afford to do so?  In my case, I didn't want to go outside, I didn't want to spend any money, and I didn't want to bother getting showered and dressed. And doing "Nothing" all day was the perfect thing for me to do.

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Being unemployed does have some benefits.  One of them is being able to take a "Jammie Day" whenever I want. But this has its drawbacks as well. The more idle I get, the more idle I want to be. And that is not good for anyone.

In order to figure out something I could do, I looked into my freezer and decided to throw out all food that I can't remember buying AND all food which has gone past an arbitrary expiration date.  If the food is undated and I can't remember buying it, it probably is not good to thaw out, cook and eat.  If the date on the freezer bag indicates that the food is no longer good to thaw, cook and eat - it gets thrown out as well.  It's all too easy to toss food in the freezer to be cooked later. It is very hard to plan for thawing this food on a regular schedule to get the most value out of what I've bought.

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There is a part of me that is afraid to move any further on my path towards social transition. I am a little ambivalent about doing anything that can't be reversed, and have always been afraid of surrendering any options to gain in other areas of my life. It was hard enough to reveal my transgender nature to my niece, GFJ, and the Cat Lady (TCL), and it would be much harder for me to risk revealing this part of me to my brother and the rest of the family.

What's even harder for me these days is losing weight.  Since I'm no longer as active as I once was when dating Patty, it's much harder for me to lose weight.  Couple this with the gradual loss in testosterone production in my body (something I don't miss), and weight loss becomes near impossible without "radical" steps taken by me.

Without weight loss, I can not even consider hormones or facial feminization surgery.  About the only thing I could consider is hair transplants, and even then, this might be problematic. But if I could accomplish all of this, would I still be able to find romance?  As much as Lili and her friends say there is a cover for every pot, statistics and demographics work against my interests.  How many cisgender women would be interested in a person like me?

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So on this day off, I did nothing but relax, think a little and take care of a task I should take care of more often.  On the whole, not a bad day after all....

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