Thursday, January 4, 2018

Thoughts about winter

Going out as Marian is a little more difficult in the winter, as I have less clothing options to use to send signals that people are looking at a female and not a male.  Since I don't have the behind of a typical female, I have to draw attention to my upper body when wearing something other than dresses or skirts. But careful use of colors can go a long way in projecting a feminine image.

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I'm a person who likes to see fresh snow at the side of the road. Grounds covered in white still bring a smile to my face.  Is it the child in me?  Who knows?  But there is something about freshly fallen snow that brings up some of the few pleasant memories of the past that I have.

If I lived and worked in the city as Marian, I'd probably be wearing dresses to work as long as it wasn't raining or too windy. Even in the coldest of winter, I can easily find ways to keep warm. The trick is to choose my clothes in a way so that I can blend in with the cisgender females I meet when out and about. In the near future, I expect we will soon see days where the temperature gets above freezing. And that means I'll likely be wearing women's jeans with tights underneath for warmth.

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Recently, I went out to the movies on a chilly night.  Since it wasn't a work night, my clothing options for Marian Mode were quite limited. Since I was spending the day as Mario, I figured that this was all for the better.Yet, if I had a better feminine presentation, I wouldn't have flinched about going out as Marian.

Sadly, even though I go out and about as Marian quite often, I have a lot of doubts about the quality of my presentation.  Some of them revolve around my size - my body is large, and this is often a 'tell".  Others involve the shape of my body, even though Vicki has similar problems herself - and she's a cisgender female. Over time, I hope to improve upon these areas. But I'm concerned about the now and not the future.

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Winter poses many questions for me. But lately, I simply wonder - is the effort worth what I gain from it?

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