Monday, September 25, 2017

Transgenders and Sex

Sex.  One of nature's prime directives for most animals. If it weren't for some form of sex, virtually none of us would be on this planet.  (I must exclude "test tube babies", so I hedge my wording here.)  But a funny thing happens when many transgender adults start their transition - their sex lives become non-existent.

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I had several versions of a personal ad out on one service.  The first version was used to meet GFJ, and I don't do any searching for matches there anymore.  But it is the other two versions that have had interesting behavior.  One version listed me as a bi-gendered person, and I get hits, but no one writing to me.  The other played down cross dressing. and got some interesting responses at first.  For the most part, these latter two profiles get bypassed by cisgender females, as there is a prejudice in our society about whether a M2F transgender really is female or not.

No, I am not complaining about this.  I'll admit to having similar prejudices, and I think it is due to the age I was raised in, and the attitudes we absorbed. Christine Jorgensen was big news when I was little, because genital confirmation surgery was rare.  Although many things have changed, we are often typecast as being of the sex we were assigned at birth - and fully out of the mating pool because of what we are.

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For those of us who are lucky enough to preserve their spousal relationships, things often change here too.  From what I can tell, most of these marriages turn asexual. In the case of a M2F transition, the cisgender female partner sees little to turn her on in the transgender female's physical configuration - and retreats into asexuality to preserve the emotionally intimate friendship with her closest friend.  Yet, I'm starting to see this change in the younger generation. One blogger who I read is a M2F transgender who reports that she still has a physical relationship with her lover. But I wonder how things will change as this trans woman gets closer to her surgery.

I wondered what would happen with GFJ.  She knew about Marian, but was careful to give me the time and space to make sure that she only sees Mario when she's around. As her divorce approaches, would she take the time to explore other dating opportunities with someone more "traditional"? Or, would she stick with me, knowing that I've been there for her?  Since she's a woman of my generation, I kept our community's experiences in mind, and kept a part of my heart in reserve - just in case.

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A while back, I had the chance to talk with Vicki.  And I said that if things with GFJ didn't work out, that I would likely leave the dating pool as an active member, and focus on spending more of my time as Marian.  There are many people I'd like to get to know better. YGN, YGWM, HWV and others have expressed their interest in getting together with Marian as a female friend - and I'd like to take them up on their offers of friendship. The tradeoff for these friendships is the last vestiges of my sex life as Mario.  Is it worth the sacrifice?  Yes.


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