Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Thoughts on inactivity


I'll bet that the turtle in the above picture may be older than I am. But then, Galapagos Turtles tend to live very long lives, but they are not known for being very active when full grown. (Or, so I've heard.)

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One thing my readers may have noted is that I have grown more and more inactive since I lost my job with the bank over 3 years ago.  Yet, I don't feel too much worse for wear, save that I may have become too complacent with things. And then, when problems occur, I may not be showing signs of resilience, but a lack of caring. I'm not sure about this yet.

Recently, I lost my membership in one women's meetup group, and it saddened me. Yet, I recognized my feeling being that of grief, and realized that there was nothing I could/should do except for moving on. Being trans will get in the way of some social activities, and I feel that I have encountered another sign of social prejudice against us. So, instead of getting angry, I just let it roll, and moved on.

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There is a word that might describe how I've been feeling lately:

Ennui - a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or 
excitement.

This is the main reason I would like to find a job. I want some purpose that inspires me to wake up in the morning, and then stay active all day.  When I think about at my dad in his final few years of living on his own, he had little reason to get up and out of his chair and do something to nourish himself. And I'm in danger of letting something similar happen to me.

So what do I do?  It's been years since I had much of a passion for any activity. I'm no longer interested in programming computers - been there, done that. The idea of getting my PMP certification is nice, but working as a PMP doesn't interest me anymore. Painting was fun, and I may take it up again. But I will not likely be able to do things at the level of expertise that would please me. (That's not an excuse not to start. It's only a comment on the skill level I would expect to be able to develop.) I have found that I need someone to inspire and motivate me - even if that person isn't a romantic interest for me.

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Could it have been the fictional Yoda or Mr. Miyagi that said "Do or not do. There is no Try." In a way, I understand what that means. You are either in motion or you are stationary. Being in motion is better, as all motion is "forward" from a single point.

Inactivity is the trap that catches many of us. And I will break out of it - soon....




2 comments:

  1. I am of the belief that work of any kind is good for so many reasons. While you have been able to survive financially over the past few years of unemployment the extra income that any job may provide will be helpful. More importantly it will keep you moving in the right direction.
    These days all major companies have diversity programs and you should not encounter any discrimination. I would consider getting a job in woman's retail at one of the plus size chains. I am confident that you would be a valued asset and I also think that you could present yourself at work as either Marian or Mario.
    Just a thought.
    Pat

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  2. Pat -

    Work of any kind (within reason) is good. The extra income coming in from a job will be very useful, as it will help me stem the flow of cash from savings. Major companies may have diversity programs, but there is still a lot of age discrimination AND discrimination against people who have been out of the workforce for too long.

    I am considering a short term job in retail in one of the Plus size stores, just to get me out of the house. Of course, I'd have to be open about being transgender. But who cares? If I'm going to work in a store and get the employee discount, I might as well dress for the part.

    M

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