I'll bet that the turtle in the above picture may be older than I am. But then, Galapagos Turtles tend to live very long lives, but they are not known for being very active when full grown. (Or, so I've heard.)
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One thing my readers may have noted is that I have grown more and more inactive since I lost my job with the bank over 3 years ago. Yet, I don't feel too much worse for wear, save that I may have become too complacent with things. And then, when problems occur, I may not be showing signs of resilience, but a lack of caring. I'm not sure about this yet.
Recently, I lost my membership in one women's meetup group, and it saddened me. Yet, I recognized my feeling being that of grief, and realized that there was nothing I could/should do except for moving on. Being trans will get in the way of some social activities, and I feel that I have encountered another sign of social prejudice against us. So, instead of getting angry, I just let it roll, and moved on.
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There is a word that might describe how I've been feeling lately:
Ennui - a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or
This is the main reason I would like to find a job. I want some purpose that inspires me to wake up in the morning, and then stay active all day. When I think about at my dad in his final few years of living on his own, he had little reason to get up and out of his chair and do something to nourish himself. And I'm in danger of letting something similar happen to me.
So what do I do? It's been years since I had much of a passion for any activity. I'm no longer interested in programming computers - been there, done that. The idea of getting my PMP certification is nice, but working as a PMP doesn't interest me anymore. Painting was fun, and I may take it up again. But I will not likely be able to do things at the level of expertise that would please me. (That's not an excuse not to start. It's only a comment on the skill level I would expect to be able to develop.) I have found that I need someone to inspire and motivate me - even if that person isn't a romantic interest for me.
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Could it have been the fictional Yoda or Mr. Miyagi that said "Do or not do. There is no Try." In a way, I understand what that means. You are either in motion or you are stationary. Being in motion is better, as all motion is "forward" from a single point.
Inactivity is the trap that catches many of us. And I will break out of it - soon....