Tuesday, September 12, 2017

A holiday weekend

When the day started Saturday morning, I had no commitments for the day, and a possible commitment to see the Cat Lady (TCL) on Sunday.  This changed relatively fast. TCL emailed me to tell me that her stomach is still causing her problems, and GFJ messaged me to suggest getting together to see a movie.  As much as a bit of the magic has worn off for me with GFJ, I still like seeing her in spite of how the situation is between us.

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I did a little bit of closet cleaning on Saturday, finding more stuff (such as school books) that I could toss or donate. And the cull freed up a bit more needed space in my closets. Around 3 pm, GFJ called me to let me know that she was leaving her mom's place, and I showered, dressed, and got out the door as Mario in time for a 4:30 pm arrival at the diner.

GFJ and I chatted over a nice dinner, and then took a drive to Walden to kill time between eating and the start of the movie.  I highly recommend The Glass Castle for those who want to see a good, serious acting performance by Woody Harrelson. It is a solid film, and one I'd recommend if you're in the mood for a drama.  But don't go in expecting to leave happy. The film can be a little draining, and no children should be treated the way the 4 kids were treated in the film. (This story is based on real life, and the real life people are shown with the closing credits.)  I'm glad that the four kids (all adults now) had the wisdom to count on themselves and not their parents to escape the world their parents would have put them in.

After the movie, GFJ and I realized that we needed to talk. So we went to the nearby ice cream shop to have something sweet and have a place to talk.  We talked about our "Relationship" and what we wanted.  I noted that I wasn't going to pressure to make any decision regarding whether she could accept both Mario and Marian in one package, also noting that I know that her life is much more up in the air than mine.  She understands how much Marian is part of me, and doesn't stand in the way of me developing Marian into a more acceptable and authentic person. But she has trouble with it.  No decision was made where we are going. But I wasn't going to say to her that I am open to dates, and have already been in contact with several women.

When I got home, I received the following message:

It was good seeing you tonight and I'm glad we got to talk a little bit. I was thinking about other things on the way home. You were saying that you wanted to give me time and that you wouldn't pressure me but I don't know if that's being fair to you if you wanna find someone who is more accepting of Marian. We aren't getting any younger. But on the other hand I enjoy being with you and talking and smuggling. It was very nice in the movies and you gently rubbing my thigh, it felt good. Even though my divorce is not final I definitely don't feel married for a long time. It is just a business transaction. 

Part of why I am not pressuring her is that I have other options that I am exploring, but have not reached the go/no-go point yet. If she eventually comes around, I'll have to make a hard decision. But it is more likely that I'll meet someone nice, and then make the go/no-go decision on that relationship. Until then, it doesn't cost me much emotionally to maintain what we have....

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Sunday came, and I didn't wake up until noon.  (Note to self: Start turning off the TV and all other electrical diversions before midnight.)  GFJ was originally thinking of going to West Point for the Labor Day Weekend concert. But with it raining most of the day, this would not have been that great a day for that. So she was suggesting we get together and do something else. I had to pass on that.  I was all talked out, and had little emotional energy to be with anyone today.

After having what passed for breakfast/lunch (2 hamburgers), I went back to bed and rested again.  By the time I was up and moving, the sun was out with some clouds in the sky. If I had not been in the mood to rest, I could have spent the day out as Marian.  But the question still would be: What can I do that doesn't cost much money?

In my email came a note from the Cat Lady.  She had to go to the "doc in the box" clinic because her stomach ailment was getting worse. Hopefully, what he prescribed for her will help, as she's been unable to eat anything that doesn't cause her pain for 2 weeks. There is not much I can do for her but to be available. And having been in a similar situation with GFJ, I know what she's going through is hard to deal with. She asked me what I was doing, and I mentioned that I wasn't doing much other than continuing my work on cleaning the apartment.

Part of why I started removing clutter from the apartment was that it needed to be done and it didn't cost me anything to do so. (Actually, it does force me to part with stuff that I "might" need, but has a low likelihood of need with a high cost of retention.)  It's something that I can do over a period of days, and that is a little meditative while doing so. And yet, I have a self imposed time limit, as it must be done before the cleaning lady comes on Thursday.

Although I could have done something with others had I wanted to today, I realize that I have only so much emotional energy to go around, and I need to find better ways of refilling my "batteries" in the future.

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Labor Day was originally supposed to be a day playing games.  But things changed. Instead, GFJ was coming over, and we planned to go to West Point for the last of their Summer concert series. And this meant that I had to do a little more cleanup in the apartment as well as getting up earlier than "normal".

As usual, GFJ got to my place late - and we went out for an early dinner at the local diner. Afterwards, we went back to my place for an hour and watched Madea's Family Reunion. It's a very predictable film, but Tyler Perry's "Madea" character is a stroke of genius - in many ways, she's the fearless woman that many cisgender women want to be. (Please, no comments about Madea's lack of elegance. I'm focusing on her being a strong willed woman who won't put up with shit from anyone.) Once the movie was over, it was time to go to West Point for a Labor Day outdoor concert.

Arriving at West Point, we didn't know where to park. So we ended up parking about a mile away from the performance area, and awkwardly carted our chairs to Trophy Point, where we set up camp.  The place was packed, and yet I could see how it could be even more packed if it were another night.  GFJ received a phone call telling her that her friends had just arrived, and she walked down to meet them.  When everyone was in place, I took several pictures of the group with the Hudson River in the background.

What a nice place to sit.  The weather was perfect.  We were warm enough not to need jackets (if wearing a long sleeved shirt), and cool enough to feel refreshed by the air. As the sun slowly set, the river got even prettier.

The above picture doesn't do the scene justice. But this was a perfect setting for an end-of-summer concert.  After a couple of hours, the fireworks show began.

No picture can do justice to a good fireworks display, and this was one of the better ones I've seen in person.  But I'm including a link to a short clip which should give an idea of what this display looked like.

When the show ended, GFJ walked back to the car while I tended the chairs and other goodies. It took her much less time to walk to her car unencumbered while I safeguarded our property.  While she was on her 1 mile walk to the car, I chatted with Lili for a little bit and then replied to an inquiry on my POF ad. By the time GFJ got back, I was done with my communication with the outside world, and we proceeded back to my place before GFJ took the long drive home.

After GFJ was gone, I decided to assemble a 3 cube organizer that I bought from Walmart the night before. Although I made a little bit of noise, I don't think my downstairs neighbor heard much of anything. Once assembled, I put the organizer in my closet and dealt with a problem I've been having with my shoe boxes. With a hanging shoe organizer, boxes would slide out because the fabric rarely provides a level surface. A tilt the wrong way, and the boxes fall out of the closet. Now, they will stay in place.  Only one problem - I lose a little storage space because of the placement of the shelves. I'll accept that to keep everything in place in the closet.


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