Monday, May 15, 2017

Quickie: Former Friend

Have you ever received a "Dear Jane" letter from someone with whom you do not have a relationship, save for a casual acquaintanceship? Today, I received one.

Marian, I hope my email finds you doing well. Just wanted to let you know that I received each and every one of your texts and of course your email all of which I had no imminent intention in providing excuses, explanations, or pending updates for since the implications the last time we exchanged communications was that I would be extremely busy studying for my state exams. If not mistaken, you expressed acknowledgment of the imperativeness that I remain focused in order to be certified within the already planned time frame. I have made sacrifices with friends and family all of whom clearly understood and accepted my current situation and the reasons why I would not be unavailable. Now that you have finally succeeded in refocusing my attention, I took the opportunity to honestly reevaluate our friendship and have determined that I cannot foresee it moving forward as I feel we are incompatible and that I simply cannot offer you the type of friendship I believe you are seeking. I will thank you advance for respecting my final decision and for not pursuing this matter any further.


YGWM had failed one of the state exams for teaching certification. And I occasionally contacted her (truly, not often - maybe once every couple of months, if not less often) to say hi and to see how she was doing.  Is that overdoing things?  I doubt it.

When we last talked in person, YGWM said that she was glad that her husband had found our group, as it gave him a needed place to go and relax. Sometime towards the middle of Winter, her husband ceased coming to the group. I'm open about being transgender in the group, so it should have been obvious to him that I am TG. But who knows? Could this have been a factor? I'll never know.

To me, someone who goes into deep isolation and doesn't reply to even casual contacts by saying something like "I'm fine, but very busy" probably has more problems than I can imagine. So In response, I replied with the following short statement:

No Problem.  I wish you good luck.

Short and sweet. But I'll miss the possibility of having another friend who knows me only as Marian.  I guess I'll talk to YGM when I see her next....

PS: I did talk with YGM the following Sunday, and she thinks that YGWM has bigger problems than she's letting on and that I shouldn't let YGWM's actions bother me. Given YGM's experiences with me, she feels that I wasn't unreasonable or excessive in my attempts to be in contact.


  1. You did the right thing with the short and sweet answer. It always hurts a bit to be abandoned, but we can only be ourselves. We want others to recognize us as being who we are, and some may be able to do that only by leaving us alone. Whatever the reasons they have for it, I will give them the same respect, and allow them to be who they are.

    Aside from that, I shudder to think that the use of run on sentences would be acceptable for a teaching certificate exam. As a former teacher and a trans woman, myself, I have found punctuation to be so very important on both fronts. :-)

  2. It did hurt a little, but I knew I had to put my big girl panties on and focus on other things. There was no reason for me to say much more than what I said, as there was nothing to be gained. She has issues, and I hope she's able to resolve them.