Friday, April 28, 2017

Things wear out after a while

One of the things I've found out while working with computers is that the I/O devices tend to wear out over time. Keys on keyboards tend to either get stuck or not register at all. Mice do not seem to register clicks properly over time, and are cheaper to replace than to fix. And then come the printers, where they are designed to be replaced cheaply - even though they might be the most complex pieces of external hardware attached to the computer.

I've been writing this blog for several years now, and I've already had to replace monitors, printers, keyboards, and mice to keep things running. Of these, only the monitor was replaced by choice - I wanted something slightly bigger than what I had, and bought it at a price I could afford.  In fact, on the day I started writing this entry, I replaced both keyboard and mouse because I couldn't count on the old ones anymore.

In certain ways, my career has been like some of the external hardware attached to my computer. Eventually, I had to be replaced, as I could not do the jobs the firm wanted done, in the location(s) that they wanted those jobs done. This is not a bad thing if people are able to upgrade their skills for the new jobs that are available. But most firms do not look at their knowledge workers as intellectual capital. Instead, they see their workers as machinery that should be replaced on a regular basis.

Please note that I am not complaining.  I've had a good career, and was able to be employed for the better part of 40 years. And even though I am out of work, I am grateful for the opportunities I've had, as well as the opportunities I now have outside of my career.

Going out as Marian has been a blessing.  The one thing I wish were easier for me to do is lose weight.  I feel that I look like an over inflated beach ball at times, as I have not been able to lose the weight I regained years ago when I was in a relationship with the wrong woman. And at times, I feel that my body is starting to wear out.  My damaged hand is still bothering me 2 1/2 months after my New Year's Day injury. My left shoulder feels lie it's going out of joint if I move the wrong way in my bed. And my knees bother me whenever the weather starts to change. In short, I'm getting old, and I'm starting to feel it.

Youth tends to crave novelty, while in maturity we crave stability. There is something good about that. When we are young at heart, we are open to new things  even though we see them through the cautious eyes of a mature person. I doubt that I could have opened myself up to becoming Marian as a young person, as I first had to overcome my fears. Now, I've learned that most people don't give a hoot about who I am, and that frees me to be able to be me without the fears that limited me in the past. This gives me a stability I never could have had in youth.

But where am I leading, you may ask?

Hopefully, one of these days, I will be able to wear out some of my feminine wardrobe in the same ways that I have worn out my male wardrobe over the years.

Only time will tell.

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