Monday, April 10, 2017

Some quick thoughts on relationships




Ah, if only all relationships were this simple.  It's not always easy to have a traditional M/F relationship.  But when being transgender is thrown into the mix, things get exponentially more complicated.

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I have often written about my relationship with GFJ.  Sometimes, I find humor in what happens, including what happened this New Year's Eve.

GFJ rarely dresses in either a skirt or a dress.  But she wanted to glam it up for the holiday. She had brought a pair of stockings with her (I will always hate the word 'Pantihose'), and they didn't fit well. So she wanted to buy a pair for that night's party.  I offered her a pair of my hosiery (having several pairs in her size) and she declined the offer. We ended up driving to Yonkers to buy the stockings, and when we returned, I showed her several pairs that would fit her (bought from the same store).

I figure that women like being the peacocks of the human species.  And maybe, they feel threatened by males who invade that part of their social turf that makes them feel special.

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Women's contribution to marriages (and other partnerships) are often undervalued by the men in their lives.  This is the case with GFJ and her soon to be ended marriage.  In many ways, a lot more effort goes into keeping house, raising children, and taking care of the social networks that keep a family strong.

Why did I include a focus on the social networks that women maintain?  Well, I don't often see men taking the lead in developing social networks.  When I look at meetup groups, I see a much larger number of groups established by women, as well as a large number of groups established by women for women.

The tendency of women to form social networks is important.  In many ways, women are born to politic. Since women use a collaborative form of behavior to get their needs satisfied, women must develop political skills to get what they want and need without making it look that they are being too selfish.

However, the collaborative form of socialization often fails when dealing with men.  Males in our society tend to be competitive, and often (without knowing it) try to dominate the women in their lives.  Male privilege is exercised, and women tolerate it to have access to the things that a male can provide (food, clothing, shelter) when she is of child raising age.

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What happens when the children are grown and out of the house?  Often, men forget a function of the partnership (often, an exchange of intimacy for sex).  Sometimes, it's the male needing to reawaken his feelings of youth and potency, and trades his intimacy for sex with another woman. In the case of GFJ, her to be ex husband broke the rules of the partnership, and she decided to end something which lost its benefit to her.

I wasn't always sure about GFJ, in part, because her divorce process is still underway.  There is a part of her that she doesn't share with me, as I think she's afraid to take the chance on me.  In a way, I've done the same with her, keeping a part of me locked away from her.  And I must think that being transgender only complicated the situation, as cisgender women often derive their social status, in part, from the men in their lives. What could it mean to a cisgender woman to be in a relationship with a man who wants to live as a woman, potentially reducing her social status?  This as a transgender person, I can only pose and imagine.










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