Sunday, April 2, 2017

Saturday alone - How do I occupy my time?

Not having any commitments for my weekends, it can be a challenge to keep myself busy. Studying is not easy for me anymore. And running into the city for a museum or two takes both time and money. So, what does one do to occupy one's time?

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One of the constant themes of my discussions with Lili over the years was her desperate need to find someone to be with. She was looking for a soulmate to fill each and every one of her emotional needs, and would do the same for him. But this glossed over a heck of a lot, as she needed things to do and to be interested in to make her a person worth catching. Without those things, what would she be talking about for the other 23.5 hours that they are not having sex?

Last night, Lili seemed to have a subtle change in attitude. When she talked about her boyfriend, she mentioned that she was getting horny - but not when he was around. Was her taste in men changing? Or, was she getting tired of the fellow? She went on to mention an incident at the health club, where the attendant asked "what happened to your other half?" Lili mentioned that he was now working on an evening shift, and went on to exercise. Later in the evening, when she talked to the boyfriend, she mentioned the question - and he became upset, then said: "How dare you talk about me to someone?" This triggered a change in Lili's attitude towards him.

After 5 months, Lili has yet to see her boyfriend's family, and she's getting a little annoyed that she is only peripherally included in his life. There is a pattern to his behavior that she's sensing, and can't put a finger on yet. And she now sees him as someone who can keep her company for a while, at least, until she finds someone who can scratch her itch better. Lili finally is learning why I dealt with GFJ for as long as I did, because she is now starting to understand the trade-offs I was willing to make to have a companion for a while....

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But back to my life....

Again, it was another lazy day for me. The more I am out of work, the easier it has become getting used to doing nothing. And that's why I think I envy one of the women from the FFGoW meetup group - she owns her own business, works one day per week, and keeps both her mind active and her spirits cheerful. How can you beet that if you're a 70 year old woman? However, I'm not yet 60, and I still am looking to find work that will keep me busy during the week. Benefits would be nice too. And I really don't care if I go back to being a project manager, as I'm not sure if I want all that responsibility again.

Around 5:15 pm, I got off my butt and made it into the shower. An hour later, I was off to the FFGoW meetup where I reconnected with some of the ladies. Although dinner wasn't as good as I would have expected from this diner, the conversations were much better. And the 6 of us gals were there from 6:30 until a little after 9:00 pm. Not bad for an evening with the over 50 crowd.

When I got home, I decided to look into what other meetups were open, and I saw a mixed group (men and women) meeting at a local restaurant just outside of Peekskill. If it weren't for the other FFGoW meetup being held that night, I might have attended - as Marian. The more I get out in the world as Marian, the less I want to be Mario. And this may be affecting how I'm handling things with GFJ.

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On a side note....

The Whine and Dine crew is meeting twice next week. I'm not really in the mood to go.  But I did think that it would be a perfect meetup for me to go with Lili, as I have already written off this group due to the Queen Bee. However, I doubt I'll do this.

And then....

Ex-GF-M will be coming up for air in a couple of weeks, having defended her doctoral dissertation. ("Read two books, and call me in the morning.") We have tentatively arranged to have lunch the day after her defense. And again, I'll be going there in Marian mode.  I wonder what her assistant would say if she were to recognize me. (She is mentioned only because she is a 70 year old black lady whose husband is pastor of a local church.)

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