Monday, January 9, 2017
The importance of friendship.
Over the past few years, I've talked about many people and of many degrees of friendship. For the most part, few of the people I've developed connections to are anything but acquaintances I can call on to have dinner. Some of my friends, like Maria, have eased away, as they have developed active lives and now have no time to stay in touch. Others, like WDJ, have moved away, and are living lives that keep them too busy to write often. And still others, like Patty, have scheduling conflicts which keep us from getting together.
As my friend WDS has noted, most so-called friends are merely acquaintances. And I have to agree with him. If one doesn't have a life of his/her own, how can you have something to offer in a friendship. Even though I enjoy Lili in small doses, I realize that she has little to offer people. She says that she'd do anything for a boyfriend. But the one thing she doesn't do is have a life of her own. By not having common interests with others, she doesn't get to the friendly acquaintanceship level that many of my new friends are at.
A healthy person understands the difference in the intensity and quality of friendship. WDS is one of those healthy people. And yet, he doesn't know enough about me. For example, he noted in an email to Mario:
I’m surprised that the precocious delinquent that I knew turned into a person who believes that he didn’t have enough time to be allowed to pursue something with his mind. We’ve covered all that more than once because I know that you can do anything with computer software, but you may no longer believe that you can.
You believe the crap that some like to feed the rest of us. That we’re ready when they say that we’re ready. Fuck that, and fuck them! You’re ready when you choose to explore, play, do, think, reflect, restart the cycle and repeat it again until you can build something that works
In a way, I'm doing just that. But not in the area he'd expect me to be doing what he suggests I do it. I'm changing who I am (at least, what people perceive me to be) and I'm being authentic for the first time in my life. I'm just not doing it with computers, as I did almost 40 years ago.
WDS is a true friend. He dumpster dove for me after I had thrown my late wife's handbags into the garbage, forgetting that there was $800 in one of those bags. And I put my freedom at risk when I did a favor for him that could have put me in jail. (No, I will not say more on that, save that his lawyer told WDS that I didn't have to worry about anything - I was miles away from an event when it happened.) But until I choose to life as Marian 24x7, I do not intend to tell him about being transgender. Like my family, I don't want to risk losing him until it's time to do so. And that time has not come yet.