Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The well has been poisoned.

It is 11:00 am as I write this, and the day has already soured for me.  Shortly before my visit to the Department of Labor for job search counseling,  I received a nasty Facebook message from the "Queen Bee" of the Whine and Dine.  She claimed that I called her a nasty bitch (I did not) and was disconnecting from me on Facebook.There is no way I can defend myself from her if I go to the Whine and Dine group, so I think I'll absent myself from the group for a while - a very long while.

The closest thing to calling a woman nasty that I've written is in a political rant about Hillary Clinton.  Is she nasty?  As I said, probably not.  But the Queen Bee of the Whine and Dine believes that I've insulted her, when I only meant that she was the dominant personality of the group. I guess that I've just suffered the first sling and arrow shot at me as if I were born with the correct plumbing. And I can see how painful it can be to a cisgender female.

When I mentioned this woman as being a "Queen Bee", I don't think I said anything nasty about her.  But I know that WDJ has vented her feelings to me about this lady, and I have kept them to myself.  I'd like to say a little more about WDJ here, if only to defend myself and to explain where WDJ comes from. Unfortunately, I can not do so without her OK. WDJ was my entry to the Whine and Dine crew, and now I'll cherish memories of the past, and move on to the future.

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Life loves to throw us curveballs.  None of us chose to be transgender.  Most of us would rather have had typical cisgender lives, and never have to be concerned about our gender identities.  Many of us see things in a much clearer focus than the average person, as we are the victims of discrimination in both our assigned identities, and those identities we know from within ourselves.

In the past, I've said that I won't go anywhere I'm not welcome. And I no longer feel welcome with this crew.  Luckily, I have a much wider social network now, and I can afford the loss of a group that once nurtured me. Will I bother renewing contact?  Probably not. I still remember Shakespeare's quote: "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned."  I don't want to be near someone who wrongfully feels anger with me for looking at life with a clearer view and seeing things from a different perspective.  I still wish her the best, as she is a good woman, someone I like in spite of her anger towards me. She is likely someone who can and will hold a grudge, as I found from my experience, that she is not one to give another party ample chance to either apologize to explain things. And I don't want to make things difficult for the rest of the crew, many of whom still have good memories of my presence.

- - - - - -

Later on in the day, I made a simple post on Marian's friends (non TG focused) Facebook page. And I got quite a few responses, including several nice ones from a person I may not have painted in the best of lights in the blog.  Hopefully, if the lady who inspired this post says anything to the other ladies, that this one will see that I didn't mean anyone any harm. If anything I made one big mistake - I may have been too open about what I've said about the groups I'm in, and should have filtered things much more carefully.  This way, if they were to see what I posted, they couldn't get offended.

When I got back to my computer in the evening, WDJ sent me an email, and it said:

I am sorry you experienced being a woman.  She said FU, and you still apologized.

I responded:

Regarding the experience of being a woman - That's what I signed up for when I first put on a dress and went outside. In short, I have to put my big girl panties on, and get back to life. She does not have the power to make my life miserable. Only I can do that. Unlike cisgender female growing up experiences, I can leave and go new places. I don't have to subject myself to unpleasant experiences. Too bad cisgender girls don't often have that option as they grow up, as it would be a great help to their egos - especially if they can get away from negative people.

Yes, I have an advantage from growing up as a male. It's much easier for me to deal with rejection, as I didn't learn to depend on a group for my well being. Years ago, "Henry Higgins" ("My Fair Lady") asked, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"  If we thought about that a little bit, the answer would be obvious. Males are expected to be loners, while females are expected to be the glue that hold society together.  Females tend to be very jealous of others in their circles being very successful, as it means that group cohesiveness is at risk.

Alas, I will not go back and edit out everything. I own up to my mistakes and apologize to all I've offended.  I am guilty of being human. That means that people can and will make mistakes now and then, and that we have to find ways of accepting each others' humanity.


1 comment:

  1. I didn't see anything derogatory in what you've posted. So it's good that you're going to pick up and move forward with life. It's her loss, and the new experiences you have will be your gain.

    As always, stay safe,