I thought the day was going to be much worse. My boss held a belated weekly status meeting, and it went better than expected. Yet, I think I'm on my way out. When I mentioned my work load, he mentioned that I should be preparing more for my meetings and have questions for him. The reality is that we communicate poorly, and that's something that bodes poorly for any working relationship.
In a way, I've stopped giving a hoot about trying to keep the job. My emotions are invested elsewhere, and it might be a relief to leave. Yes, I'll keep trying to do the best I can do, and try to keep the job. But with my heart in another place, it will be a relief not to deal with him or this client.
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With all that being said, I actually had a reasonably good day. The weather was perfect, and I was able to go outside for lunch. My boss stayed out of my hair, and I was able to do some preparation for Wednesday's meeting. Will it be enough? Probably not. But at least I will try to do my best.
Unfortunately, I left the office too late to catch the train I wanted. So I didn't get home until 7:45 pm. And by that point, it didn't make sense for me to get into Marian Mode and do some retail therapy. I was in the mood to go to Newburgh and see my favorite saleslady. But at the time I made it home, it made more sense to get comfortable and prepare for an early evening bedtime.
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I figure that I'll be able to do some retail therapy on Wednesday. At this point, I don't think it's my wish to spend more time that is the root cause of my workplace problems. Instead, it is my lack of sleep coupled with a boss with whom I don't communicate well that is the problem. I no longer have any confidence that I'll be able to keep the job. Too much has happened over the past six months to make me feel that my position is salvageable. But I feel that the pressure is off of me, now that my dad is in the nursing home. My brother has taken care of the financial issues, and I am able to focus more clearly these days.
Strangely enough, most of the time I go for some retail therapy these days, I no longer am buying things. My closet is packed, and the only thing I may need to buy is a pair of rain boots in my size. Since there are very few rain boots in my size, I'm in no hurry to buy anything. And that's a good thing.
I just wonder what it would be like if I had a smaller shoe size and a smaller dress size....