Sunday, September 11, 2016

Something's Got to Give

This song and movie title, "Something's got to give," has a lot to do with my life these days.  Work is taking it's toll on me, and I haven't had my needed time out in Marian Mode. This is frustrating, as I miss the friends I've made as Marian.

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Being transgender and not having a chance to be my real self is a big problem.  I've gone from spending 60%-75% of my time as Marian to spending about 5% of my time as Marian.  This is worse in many ways than withdrawal symptoms from ceasing to take an addictive substance, as being authentic is a healthy addiction in many ways.  No acting, no falsehoods, just a simple truth - I am Marian.

Sadly, I'll have to keep up the 9 to 5 charade for a while, as I need to continue adding money to my retirement nest egg.  I could, in theory, retire. But I won't do so unless I'm forced to do so.  I like having the money to spend as I wish without having to write up a budget. Yet, if I have to, I can live on less than I'm taking in now.

Until things change, I'll have to accept the one night each week that I get to be Marian, and hope that I make "my number" soon.

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And now back to the movie, "Something's Got to Give"

Years ago, I bought a boxed set of Marilyn Monroe movies to get a documentary included in the set that covered Marilyn's final days. As part of the documentary was about 37 minutes of edited footage from the film that was never completed. Having seen this uncompleted film starring Dean Martin and Marilyn Monroe, I have to say that it's a great loss that this film could not be completed, and that "Move Over Darling" with Doris Day and James Garner was made in its place. Hopefully, you'll feel the same after seeing the footage from the uncompleted film.

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