Sunday, August 14, 2016

The need for romance

A while back, WPB asked me why I go through the headache of dating straight women as Mario. And she made a good point.  Why set two people up for a great disappointment, when one could do more focused dating?  The reality is very simple.  Most of us need companionship, and most humans need to be touched by others.

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Touch is important.  I think it goes back to our pre-human ancestors.  If one looks at other primate species such as Chimpanzees, Gorillas, and Orangutans, you'll often see members of these species grooming each other. Touching is not limited to sex.  Although we'll never know for sure what goes on in these other primates' minds, we can say that they are very much like humans in their need for touch.

Think of most women feel after having sex, and not about the orgasmic act itself. They don't want their partners to jump up and leave. They want to stay in physical contact with those partners, and "bask in the afterglow". Touch is just as important in reproduction as it is in everyday life. When I asked one former girl friend what she missed after losing her husband, she replied: "His Touch."

Look at what happens when two people are romantically bonded.  People touch each other a lot.  Even when they are not talking, they are subtly communicating with each other via touch.  Sometimes that touch is saying "I'm here for you."  Other times, that touch says: "I care for you."  But almost always the message is clear - touch helps communicate feelings that need no words.

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I go back to WPB's question.  Every time I break up with a girlfriend, I miss many things. One of which is an intimate touch. No, I'm not talking about having an orgasm (which is nice). Instead, I am talking about the ability for a person to be touched by another in any area of the body and feeling safe and cared for.  It may go back to the grooming of pre-humanity, I don't know. But I think I understand what that ex-girlfriend said so many years ago, I missed my late wife in the same way.

So I end up looking for women who may hopefully accept me both as Mario and as Marian. I came closer with GFJ, as she tolerates Marian in her life. But if we were to break up, I'd be open to new romance.  This time, I'd limit it to someone who'd accept me as Marian and who'd be comfortable with me as either Marian or Mario.

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