Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Monday, Monday.... Another Manic Monday?

Yes, it's time for another thought piece.  And I've been thinking about the rat race that most of us are in.  Most of work because we need to work. But we always seem to be increasing our expenditures, so that any extra money that comes in is accounted for in advance.

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When I got up, I had plans to have coffee with a former coworker.  Neither of us knew where we'd be meeting, but we knew it would be for coffee.  So as my day progressed at work, I got busy, and we arranged to meet at the Starbucks in Grand Central Terminal.  It was far from the best choice of places, but we knew we could always take a seat in the waiting room across the hall.

Both of us vented a bit about my former firm.  It has been around for many a decade, and the organization is a bit worse for wear.  They put all their eggs in one basket.  Unfortunately, when the cultural bias is towards dealing with high value corporations and not the retail customer, the organization will not be able to quickly respond to changes that obsolete its market position. So neither of us would bet on the company lasting another 20 years.

I figure that large organizations need external forces to check and balance greed.  Wall Street willfully looked the other way when the ratings agencies marked "junk" securities as "AAA", as they knew they could unload this garbage on an unsuspecting public.  (They bamboozled the pension funds that looked for high returns, and we got the crash of 2008.)  I got laid off because of decisions made at the highest level of my organization - none of which paid off for the stock holders.  And I find it sad that the people at the top don't see the need for mechanisms to keep people honest.

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What does this have to do with being transgender? 

Many of us are in a rush to transition.  They are so certain in their belief that they need to transition, that they are willing to rush into "the operation". I do not have that urgency.  When the time comes, I will have no trouble with the one year real life test - as a check and balance to prevent me from solving a big problem with the wrong procedure.

As I go further down this path towards femininity, I have to make hard decisions every day.  Do I rush home to get into Marian Mode, to go out and have several hours of authenticity as Marian?  Or, do I wait until Thursday, and accept that I will have only one guaranteed night each week to be Marian?  What about weekends?  Do I value being Marian more than being with GFJ?  There are so many questions, and I know I have to be comfortable with my eventual answer.   

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Given the choice, how many of us would choose to be TG, given the violence directed against our community?  None of us, I'd venture to say....  But we exist, and we have to make decisions to maximize our authenticity. And this means coming out, and unapologetically being in the world as who we are.  Some of us take our time, others do it quickly, and many never come out of the closet at all.  We all have a duty to make the world a better place by standing up against evil - evil directed against us, and evil directed against others.  Hopefully, what happened in Florida will serve as a wake-up call, and remind us that we must continually fight for our freedoms.


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