Saturday, June 18, 2016

Meetups - for Marian and Mario

For the most part, I attend meetups as Marian and not as Mario.  Unlike Meg (who once blogged that she has one meetup that she has attended in both male and female modes), I never attend a meetup in more than one mode.  This way, if a person were to encounter me, he/she (especially she) would be less likely to connect my two persona to one person.

Believe it or not, I attended my first meetup in Mario mode.  It was a Chocolate and Wine tasting gathering, and was held at a Hudson Valley winery.  Sadly, it was 104 degrees outside, and the venue's air conditioning had broken down.  There was no way that Mario could be at his best in this situation.

It was a long while until I attended my next meetup.  And by this time, I had started to go out as Marian.  Yes, I was very nervous at first, as I wasn't yet secure in my Marian persona. It was still an effort for me to put on my makeup, and I was still making beginners' mistakes with my feminine presentation. But I gained needed experience with the two venues I regularly attended: the Yonkers board game meetup and the Beacon board game meetup. And when WDJ introduced me to the Whine and Dine group, I finally had to up my game with my feminine presentation.

Eventually, I would be called on to go to a meetup as Mario. And this happened due to my involvement with GFJ.  She brought me along on several walks and hikes which she wanted to attend (such as a night time stroll on the Walkway Across the Hudson). Only once did I meet anyone who knew me as Marian from one of my other meetups - and I doubt that he recognized me, or cared about who I was.

I will now sign up for a women's meetup without worrying that someone will see me as Transgender.  If someone asks me about it, I will be honest and talk openly about being transgender - and ask in return if my being transgender bothers her. This is very important for me as I develop my Marian persona. Marian needs the self confidence to act in the world as if she was assigned female at birth - even though she was assigned male at birth. But this forces me to continually work at developing my feminine characteristics, so that less about my genetically male body gives me away as being assigned male at birth.

Sooner or later, I'll have to face a real test - will a person who knows me as Marian recognize me as Mario (or vice versa)?  I don't know, but it will be interesting each time this situation happens....

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