Tuesday, May 17, 2016

A new week, and an old feeling

There is always something nice to look at whenever I'm near my office.  However, the same old feelings of inadequacy came over me again, as well as the "brain fart" which makes me look stupid in my boss's eye - something I can ill afford.

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One of the things I was thinking of doing after work was to change into Marian mode and to visit my "friends" up in Newburgh.  (I could have used some more Marian time, but knew it would be fleeting at best.)  But I decided to finish off something at work, and stay a little late again.

During the day, I asked my boss a stupid question, based on an old understanding of a client's needs. When I realized what I did, the feelings of inadequacy came in like a freight train, and BAM!  Although I keep telling myself that someday I'll get the hang of things, this is not enough to make me feel better. 

Hopefully, my boss is willing to be tolerant of my slow learning (something rare for me) as long as he sees progress.  And I hope to be able to prove I can do good work soon, as I really want to keep this job.  Yet, if I can't do it, I have other things in my life that can nourish me (except in my wallet).

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When I finally finished with work, I knew what I was going to do for the evening - a couple of loads of laundry.  Yes, I still have 2 or 3 loads ready to go after this. But I now have clean underwear and clean towels to get through the week.  Next, is a load of sheets, and a load of outerwear (shirts, trousers, etc.) which I plan to take care of tomorrow. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to visit my friends in Newburgh on Wednesday, as I'll be caught up on my laundry. 

On other matters, I'll likely miss the next meeting of the Whine and Dine crew next week.  Not only are they getting together in a new place at an earlier time than usual, but this is the night for my co-op's board meeting.  And it'd look bad for me if I were to bug out just to go out in Marian mode.

Hopefully, HWV, our co-op's president, will have had a great time on her vacation.  This will be the second year that I know she has been where she's been.  (No, I won't say much about where she was, but it is very crowded for one day each year.)  If I'm lucky, we'll be able to go for dinner after the meeting - we always have great conversations.  (I also have a board issue I want to discuss with her in private - an unpleasant issue that I can't discuss here.) For the most part, our get-togethers have been very pleasant, and I know she'll have great stories to tell about where she spent her time.

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One thing I know - I don't have enough time out as Marian, and I need to maximize the value of the time I can spend this way....

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