Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Halloween - the national holiday for crossdressers everywhere.  It's the one day we have a perfect excuse to be in a dress.  But we shouldn't need to use that excuse.  No, I am not stating that I want to be an acctivist.  Instead, I am expressing a displeasure about our culture's artificial gender based division of people and how they express themselves.

So, what inspired today's posting?   Well, I have a friend who told her husband about my "alternate" style.  If I'm going to be "out", I'd better get used to people knowing about this real quick.  (I guess I have an easier time with women knowing about this part of me than I have with men....)  Since my friend is doing Halloween, having treats for people who come to the door, she said it was OK for me to visit en-femme.   And visit I will....

What I'm looking to do afterwards is to see another friend who lives in the area.  It'll be nice to get out for an evening that I assumed would be spent inside due to this week's storm.....  Whether I see two friends or one, Halloween will be a nice diversion....

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Post Sandy

Well, the hurricane has passed - and the work of clean up has begun.   Compared to the vast majority of people in this area, I am very lucky - Cable/internet service was cut around 7 pm last night, and restored around 2 pm today.  Electric service to my complex was mostly uninterrupted.

Sadly, the hurricane has affected my plans for Halloween.  I was going to take the day off, spend much of it in NYC, and then attend my first CDI meeting --- or, watch the annual Halloween parade.  Neither seems likely now.  It is doubtful that Netro North will be running trains on Wednesday, and I'm not in the mood to walk any distance in NYC.  So, I'll likely work from home, and try to get a virtual desktop working, so that I can spend the next two weeks "on the job" without a physical presence at my office.

So, if I take a different day off, what should it be - Friday or Monday?   If Friday, I might be able to spend it with a friend who knows about and appreciates me for who I am.  If Monday, I can spend the day alone, getting things done that I'd otherwise put off.  Either way, I won't be able to do what I really would like to do - enjoy NYC in girl mode.

More later....

Sunday, October 28, 2012


Let's start by saying that I live in the New York City metropolitan area, and might be off line soon.   It is the calm before the storm, and I wish it were over already.  The mass transit systems are being shut down in advance of the storm, and I'll be stuck in my place for at least a couple of days - and possibly without power.  So, I can't count on making a post until mid week at best.

With that being said, I went to a party in the Albany, NY area with friends who know about my preference for being in dresses and skirts. Before attending this party, I stopped at a nearby mall to do some shopping at the local Lane Bryant - and picked up a couple of sweaters and coordinated camis.  It's nice to be able to do my female shopping en femme, as I feel more natural being in these stores in female mode.  (How many times other than Christmas season do you find men shopping in the women's department?  There are some men who are comfortable doing this, but most men are not....)

Now, as many people know, I am a single person - and looking for a nice lady to be with.  One woman at this party I attended was very much attracted to me (and me to her) in female mode (she is bi) - I must have had everything "nice" rolled up into one package.  Who knows what will happen the next time we meet?   Regardless of what happens, I now know that there are women who will be turned on to people with my unique traits, and I should keep looking until I find what I need and want....

Friday, October 26, 2012

Personality - a short post

I wonder whether other CD/TG's have had a similar experience to mine.   The other day, I outed myself to someone I've known for a few years.  This lady told me that I seemed more relaxed in girl mode than in boy mode.  I noticed that I am a little more outgoing as well.  Couple this with the naturalness of my presentation (save my voice - which makes me uncomfortable with breaking the ice, as I don't want to break the magic spell), and I ask myself - was I meant to be this way?

Although it's only been a couple of months since I started going outside en-femme, I feel quite comfortable this way - especially when "anonyminity" is factored in.  No one really cares much - and this is a comfort.  The big test will be when I deal with people in close circles.  However, I don't think I have much to worry here - I was once outed to a group of friends, and I was able to retain their friendships in spite of the outing. 

So does anyone else notice a change in their own personality when changing into girl mode or boy mode?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


A quick post for today...

I made an innocuous joke on another person's Facebook page last night, and it was amazing how quickly a war of words erupted.  The person on whose page I posted did not take offense, but another reader.  No matter what was said, this person had a bug up her ass - and she needed to get a last word in after I said that I'm letting the issue drop, and that we simply see things in different ways.

Mine is not an uncommon incident.  The internet is a place where people feel comfortable in shooting out flames for the slightest of reasons.  But in the transgendered community, this could be dangerous, as we could splinter our community and weaken it.  In the GLBT community, we are the orphan stepchild - we don't fit cleanly into the other definitions, as we have "normative" gender preferences (in general), but not "normative" presentation or self image (many of us need to have a body of the opposite of their native gender).  So we must be extra careful with others in this community.

Am I alone in this?  Probably not.  I recall one member of this community posting her support of Obama, based on trans issues alone.  Other issues (such as the economy) were not a factor in this person's decision, and this was noted.  Yet, this person got flamed, simply because others felt that this person betrayed their tribe.  Who gave them the "right" to assume that if they share one item in common with a person, that the person had to follow all of their tribal cultural norms?  I may lean towards Obama in this election.  But I have no problems with people leaning towards Romney.  We just differ in our perspectives and values that derive from those perspectives.  I am not rabid in my support.  My expressions of my values are not rabid.  But, with this being said, I fear rabid supporters, as they often do not know where the limits of civility are.

So my simple plea....  Let's try to be civil - there is way too much at stake to let this community splinter because of external politics.....

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Out... In more ways than one.

So, I pose a question to anyone who reads this blog.  When someone decides to be "Out", how quickly is he/she comfortable being "Out" among neighbors, friends, family, and coworkers? 

Having made the decision to be mostly Out, I've set some limits.  First, I am not telling my dad, who is in his mid 80's, or my uncle, who is in his upper 70's.  Next, my relationship with my brother has been on tender grounds for years (once, we didn't speak with each other for 3 years), and I don't want to risk what we have.  And then, I won't come out at work - TG may be a protected class where I live, but not necessarily in my firm's other offices.  For now, these limits are reasonable to me, but they can and will change with time.

Now, with this being said, I've been out a couple of times in my apartment complex.  The first time was when I left for FF (and came back from FF), and the other time was today.  My next door neighbor saw me this morning, and a neighbor in the next doorway saw me return tonight.  I'm pretty sure the die has been cast - sooner or later, people will start talking about me.  And in once sense, the sooner the better - as I'd like to see whether people will give half a hoot, or not care at all.  Either way, the genie is out of the bottle....

Outing one's self can be good to make someone else smile.  The lady who does my laundry (at the local laundromat) will soon be out of work at the laundromat.  (Don't worry - she has a full time job with benefits.)   She was a little sad because she's under stress - in 4.5 months, an "OOPS Baby" will come out of her womb, and it's causing changes in her.  So, knowing this, I decided to call her and tell her that I'm going to come over and make her laugh.  Well....  I walk into the place, and towards the back where she's sitting.  In the back of her mind, she's asking herself "who's that lady, and why is she walking to the back where I am?  Why isn't she waiting for me in the front?"  And then it dawns on her - it is me, the blogger - and she starts to laugh loud!   Afterwards, she told me that I had the mannerisms of a lady, and that only my voice gave me away.   (As I've said earlier - voice training and laser/electro are next on my list of things to do....) 

I just wonder - will the next Outing be as pleasant as this one?

Saturday, October 20, 2012

My "Brother's" friends' reactions...

Shortly after Tuesday night's dinner at Fantasia Fair, I took some pictures shot of me and sent them to a select group of people who know of me through my "brother".  (In male mode, this persona is called my "sister".  In female mode, that persona is called my "brother".)  The resulting comments have been quite positive...

An ex girlfriend (who now is happily married, and is still a friend) said: "Your sis is looking much better these days.  She must be eating right and getting her beauty rest." 

Another friend said: "You go sistah!"

And one of my closest friends said: "You look quite authentic - I'm happy to see you having a good time."   She also noted that the makeover must have been fun - it was....

And one last friend said: "You look marvelous.  I mean it, it's good to see you looking so.... right."   This friend then asked if I would come up to see her, and not my brother, after her vacation.  That'll be an easy request to fulfill.

With this being said, I have to put things into perspective.  These are my friends talking, and not my critics.  I certainly have a lot to think about.  How far along this path do I want to travel?  I feel very good when dressed this way.  And from my experiences in California, I was accepted for what I am when meeting new people.  I seem to be more outgoing, and there is a smile on my face more often than on my "brother's" face.

In the near future, I'll be taking a trip out of town.  My intentions are to see that my brother doesn't come along with me.  Hopefully, I'll connect with one of the bloggers that I read when there.  Based on the success of that trip, I may schedule another trip to another city - and again leave my brother at home. 

Sooner or later, my neighbors will see me come out of my brother's apartment.  What will either of us have to say when it happens?  I'm not sure.  But I'll deal with those issues when I encounter them.  (Or, maybe my brother will have that responsibility - who knows?)  At least my brother owns this place free and clear - so they can't force him out.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Out and about near home

I may still be a little nervous about my neighbors seeing me dressed.  But I went out tonight and met with a couple of people while en femme.  (I don't know how much either person would want me to say about the meeting, so I'll just say that it was a very pleasant experience.)  Afterwards, I went shopping at the local CVS and Shoprite.  The more I go out, the more that being dressed feels natural to me.

When I got home, I noticed that my skirt was sliding down a little.   Well, I know that the skirt is a size too big.  So I'll probably bring it to a tailor to take it in a little.   Of course, this will mean that I have to interact with the tailor - and stand there while they mark up the skirt.  Over time, I expect that this kind of interaction will become much more easy for me.  And this might mean that I am dressed more and more time when I'm away from work.  This can get pleasantly addicting!

The way I'm seeing things now, I have to figure out a way to stay cool in the summer while wearing a wig.  Somehow, I doubt this is possible. <g>   But this will give me an added incentive to move to the West Coast in retirement, where the air is dry and summers are comfortable....

Thursday, October 18, 2012

My half week at Fantasia Fair - part four (final)

Well, today was my last day at the fair, and I'm already missing new found friends.  One of these friends is very public with his blog, and others are very private - even requesting that nothing from their conversations show up here.  There were transgendered people of all types - those coming to FF to let their female side out for one of fifty two weeks, those coming to FF who are making (or have made) the transition to the opposite sex, and those who are so far out that there is no closet big enough to contain them any longer....  It has been a learning experience - and a good one!

God willing and the creek don't rise, I'll be at the fair next year.  But before I left, I had a great scare - I thought I lost my wallet!  Natal females are always conscious about the contents of their handbags, making sure to put things like wallets back inside their bags before leaving a car.  Well, this newbie to feminine dressing took the wallet out of the bag, paid the cashier at the P'town parking lot, then left the wallet in the car by accident.  After my last session, I noticed that my bag was missing its wallet.  And I then ran back to my car in the least lady like manner as was possible - me being in a skirt....  Luckily, I found the wallet, and went to my last lunch with my new friends.

Now, I have one last tidbit for my small number of readers....  I checked out of the hotel around 9:30 am, realizing that I was going to be in female mode all day.  At lunch, I met Jim Bridges, and he said that I did an OK job with my makeup.  So I felt confident that I could stay in female mode for my trip home.  And this is what I did.   Although I left P'town around 2:00 pm, I killed time (by shopping) on the way home, so that I wouldn't bump into commuting neighbors when I arrived at my apartment.  Realizing that I had nothing to eat in my refrigerator that I could cook at short notice, I stopped into the local supermarket while still in femme mode - then went home.   I only wonder if any of my neighbors would have recognized me if they met me in passing.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

My half week at Fantasia Fair - Part Three

Well - I had the pleasure of seeing a new friend get a makeover as a demonstration how a cross dresser could use off the shelf products to make a male face look like a female face.  And this friend looked "Hot" afterwards.... So, when I went in for my makeover, I had an idea what to expect.  But I didn't realize how much of an improvement that properly applied makeup could achieve.

Yup - this fat lady is about to sing...   But to end her stay at Fantasia Fair.   Jim Bridges did a hell of a job making my face look good, and like many other things I'm experiencing, I feel like there are a lot of firsts and lasts going on around me.  So I was careful not to ruin my face before the night time awards dinner - where they honored Mara Keisling for her work in the Transgender community. 

Not to worry - I'm standing straight, but the person taking the picture was a bit crooked. If you look closely, you'll notice that I'm wearing heels (from the position of my right shoe).  I feel like this is where my life should be right now - exploring a part of myself which would "normally" never had a chance to be explored....

Like my other support group (whose nature I won't mention here for now), I'm going to miss many people - even if I can't remember any of their names.  (Many in the CD/TG community take on new names for their alternate personalities.  This makes it harder to remember, as many of us haven't shared email addresses like my other community.  So I'll try to get the email addresses that I can and hope I can meet them in the "drab" personas which they live in outside the "fair".

BTW... One blogger asked me if she could put my picture in her blog.  So if you see it, please let me know - I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My half week at Fantasia Fair - Part Two

Being at Fantasia Fair, I am hit with the thought that not all trans people are as lucky as I am.  I know that in femme mode, I am not a pretty lady.  But I don't consider myself that bad looking, save for the weight that I need to take off.  One of my closest friends recently mentioned to me that if we were both single at the same time, that we should move in together and live as sisters in retirement.  We share common interests, love to travel, and have compatible beliefs.  I don't this lady would suggest this idea in jest.  Instead, I think she was simply suggesting a fall back plan, so that she wouldn't be alone in those "golden" years....

But I digress.  Some trans ladies are blessed with bone structures which would make a transition (even a temporary one) very easy - just add a little makeup and go.  Others have bone structures which would make a temporary transition impossible, because their male features are very prominent.  And events like FF are great opportunities to express those second selves - as well as developing friendships with kindred spirits. 

Some of these people come with their spouses.  FF has a policy where people can request "no photography allowed", so that the privacy of both the trans attendee and her spouse are protected as much as possible.  I've had great conversations with several couples requesting privacy - and they request it for good reasons.  Some couples are private people, and simply treat events like FF as safe places to express parts of themselves they can't express safely near home.  Others have careers which depend on reputation.  Any chink in the armor could ruin these people's careers.  And let's not forget the spouses - they are traveling as their normal selves.  So they could be at great risk as well.  Their stories will never be told here.  But I'm glad to say that I met two people in the transition process.  One just got government recognition of her transition.  The other will make that transition at work next week.

Isn't the lady on the right a darling?  I can say that the is tall and very leggy - a very attractive mix in any woman, especially in a trans gal.

As you can see, compared to this lady, I have a long way to go to look half as good....But you should have seen what I was wearing later that night.  No, I didn't change.  But my clothes did get stained due to perspiration from being in a place that was too warm for too long.

Switching gears.... Today was the official opening day of FF.  The gathering is getting quite a few newcomers from what I can tell.  And this is a perfect town to hold such a gathering.  (I haven't seen as warm a group since I was in another group that had its start in the on-line environment.  And no, I will not likely post information about that group here - I was once outed as having trans tendencies by a lover who ended up being shunned by many in the group.) So far, I am developing new friendships - and I hope to be able to maintain them outside FF, and visit these people in or out of femme mode.  They are great people, and I want to know them regardless of how I meet them....

It's nice to have the pleasure of meeting the person who authors one of the blogs I regularly read.  And I can easily say that she has very good taste in clothes - even when she takes chances with those clothes.  Even better, she gave me an idea of how to remove some of my back hair without the help of a partner.....

In short - I'm glad I came, and am looking forward to tomorrow's big dinner - especially, when i get the chance to finally wear my LBD out and sparkle!!!!

Monday, October 15, 2012

My half week at Fantasia Fair - Part one

There's so much to say, and yet so little that should shock anyone...

I decided to drive to P-Town en-femme, so that I could buy some stuff at Lane Bryant and at The Avenue on my way from New York.  There was not much I could do to avoid having my neighbors see me going to my car, save wearing a pair of women's pants (which would be exchanged for a skirt when I reached the nearest bathroom). If one looked closely, virtually everything I was wearing came from the women's department of several stores. But luckily, none of my neighbors were yet out and about, and I can deal with the issue of nosy neighbors later on.

This drive was the furthest from my comfort zone I have been in my travels.  I knew P-Town would be a safe place for me.  But what of the almost 300 miles in-between?  Not to worry.  When I got out of my car to buy breakfast along the Connecticut Turnpike (and make a potty stop), to shop at various stores, and to fill the car up with gas - no one paid me much mind - which is what I wanted.

After checking in at FF, I had some great chats. Several of these people live in the NYC area, and I'm hoping to meet them closer to home.  But some people do fool me.  One lady (who didn't give me permission to use her image) was about to announce her transition in the workplace.  The only thing that would give her away as a genetic male was her height.  And she is stunning!   In several conversations, it was noted that the use of pronouns could get confusing - and one lady was making me happy, being sure to use the female pronouns while I was presenting as a female.   After a late meal, I got waylaid by two nice ladies who wanted to chat - and my companions went back to their hotels without me.  (I have to apologize to them tomorrow for getting waylaid - but when two non FF related ladies are complimenting this mug for his/her style of dress, it was too good an opportunity for a conversation to refuse....) 

But the most interesting part of the day came when I registered at my hotel. A woman was checking in, with her 4-5 y/o son in tow.  He wasn't sure whether I was a guy or a gal, bt was labeling me as a woman.  When he asked whether I was a gal, he answered his own question, and I said "thank you".   I hope his mom understood what I was doing - If she wasn't ready to talk to her son about crossdressers or other gender variant people, why should I make it harder for her today?  As they left, her son was labeling me a woman - and that made me feel good.  

Now if only I could bring my "passability" to the 95% range or so.... 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Your first time....

A little extra something for today - for those people who are doing something for the first time....

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you, He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver, your body
tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to
hurry, but he slowly takes his time. wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way: pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and
asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill, but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he
pulls it out of you, you lay back panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

One more day to go....

Well -

One more day, and I'll be off to Fantasia Fair.   My clothes are all packed, and I'll be carrying one more dress with me - just in case it's warmer than I expected.

I hate the idea of having to rush back home in mid week.  But I have two meetings I shouldn't miss on Thursday.  The first is one I dread - it's an all hands meeting, where I expect that my career will be put at risk due to the company's continued efforts to off-shore most technology work.  The second one is a little more pleasant - where they will hold a graduation ceremony for those who met the requirements of their project management certification program.  No matter what happens, I expect to be covering Thursday's events in a post I'll likely make that day.

So, Fantasia Fair should be a great "pick me up".  To be able to be out and about, knowing that one is safe, is a great thing for transgendered folk.  Society is getting more comfortable with us, but we have yet to be accepted as well as the GLB's.  And that takes time...

See you at the fair!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The best laid plans of mice and men....

Today, I was very lucky to have a flat tire.   Normally, this would be bad news, but it was a blessing in disguise, as the flat was discovered while I was in my driveway and AAA came within 30 minutes.  Although I had to buy a new set of tires a month earlier than planned, I feel safer with my plans to drive to Provincetown en-femme from my home in New York.  So I was very, very lucky....

Could anyone imagine how mortified I'd be if I discovered that I had a flat somewhere between home and Fantasia Fair, while en-femme?  And, to make things worse, having to deal with replacing my tires on a Sunday in the middle of nowhere?  I'm very grateful that this did happen while I was at home, on a weekday morning. 

I wonder how many femulators have had accidents, auto failures, or other trouble while traveling en-femme....  This would make for some interesting tales!!!!


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Packing for P'town

It's hard to believe that Fantasia Fair is lass than a week away.  So, I've started to make the hard decisions on what to bring along with me.  

Over the past few months, I've built up the basics of a second wardrobe - and am looking for places to go.  Like most crossdressers, I love the feel of wearing a dress or a skirt - it seems so natural for me.  An advantage of the dresses I've been wearing is that they all tend to hide my lack of a properly rounded derriere. But, strangely enough, I'm now in the position where I must consider buying a pair of pants or two.  And with them, will come the necessity of tucking well.

Right now, I'm planning on wearing different outfits in the day time than I wear at night.  However, I'm not sure of what to do on my last day on the Cape.  Do I find somewhere that I can do a touchup on my face, clearing out the 5:00 pm stubble and reapplying makeup?  Or, do I switch back into boy mode that much earlier?  Decisions, decisions, decisions....  Any suggestions?

At least one thing - I think I'll be doing the 5 hour drive in girl mode, as I want to stop into a couple of stores along the way....

Sunday, October 7, 2012


One of the advantages of living where I live is the proximity of an express station on Amtrak's Empire State corridor (the old New York Central route from NYC to Chicago), as well as having an ability to use Amtrak's Northeast corridor for travel.  Although I've often used the former route for travel between my hamlet and Upstate New York (and three times, Chicago), I've rarely taken the latter route between the cities along the corridor.  Well, this will change....

I've just booked a trip for a long weekend, spending a couple of nights in Washington, DC.  Why DC, you may ask?  Simple - I haven't been in DC for about 45 years, and hardly remember a thing.  Since I've wanted to see the Smithsonian forever, it's about time I should go.  I know that a long weekend is not enough to really take in DC, it's all the time I can afford right now.

Of course, sightseeing in DC will be done mostly in Marian mode.  Once out of the closet, there's no going back into it - except maybe at work and with my immediate family for now. With this being said, I'm not yet ready to "fly pretty" as Kimberly does, or to start subtly blending genders as Meg has done.  My kudos to both - they take bigger emotional risks than I do....

As I have time and money, I plan on exploring the other major cities along the Northeast corridor.  Specifically, I'm looking at Philadelphia and Boston.  With both, I could run up to NY Penn Station from work on a Friday, and be in either city for a late dinner.  As long as I make it back to NYC before 10:30 pm on Sunday, I'll have no problems being at home by midnight, when this princess's coach turns into a pumpkin.... .

Friday, October 5, 2012


I now understand my late wife a little more....

Years ago (I won't say how many - a gal isn't supposed to reveal her age <g>), my wife couldn't stop herself from shopping.  She had enough clothes in her closet, that if you pulled away the clothes rod, her clothes wouldn't fall onto the floor.  Well, I can see how shopping can get addicting - especially when one is doing some mail order shopping to have enough clothes to be properly prepared for a trip to Fantasia Fair.  Having a box lying at my door is a wonderful feeling - especially when the content is a new pair of shoes.

Don't worry though - I've recognized this in the nick of time.  (I still have closet space. <g>)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Shopping for Provincetown

What's the old canard?   "A closet filled with clothes, and nothing to wear..."

Well, in my case, it's true.   Now that I've decided to be out and about, I've found that the wardrobe I bought this summer was only appropriate for summer.  So, out came the credit cards again, and back to my favorite online sites to do some shopping.  And, the first of the deliveries came in last night - a pair of shoes which will go perfectly with a little black number I have in my closet....

But don't think that I only had to order shoes.  A gal also needs shirts, skirts, etc. - and they will be coming soon.   Yesterday, QVC had a fashion event, and I stumbled across the channel when they were showing a fall/winter weight dress that hit below the knees - perfect for me.  That became an unplanned addition to the wardrobe - and will be seen at FF in Provincetown, as it complements what I was bringing perfectly.

One thing you can be sure of - I'll have a small camera with me, and I'll be asking my new friends to get a few shots of me in my new outfits for this blog....

Monday, October 1, 2012

Less than two weeks....

Fantasia Fair - Less than two weeks to go....

I've been telling people about Provincetown, but not about what I'll be doing when I get there.   Right now, it's better off that part of me stays in the closet - especially where it concerns career and family.  I'd bet that many cross dressers and transgendered folk have had to make similar decisions regarding their degrees of "out".

In my case, I'm also dealing with dating, having lost my wife some years ago.   Over the years, I've met some nice women - half of whom could either accept or tolerate this side of me.  So I have to be careful of when and how I reveal this side of me to women.  There is a duty to tell these potential mates early enough in the dating process, so that pain can be minimized if this acpect of me is a deal breaker.  Yet, one can't tell these ladies anything on first dates - it's way too early in the process of dating. 

So I wonder how other people have handled this issue....