Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Snow Day - Not much to say

The view from outside my window today.  They were predicting 3" to 5" of snow and ice, and it looks like we're on track to get the full range of the messy stuff.

- - - - - -

This is the kind of day that I didn't need to wake up.  Everything I wanted or needed to do was cancelled today, as no smart person would want to go out in this weather.  At 11 am, it looked like there was already 1" of snow on the ground, and the snow coming down was heavier than that a couple of hours earlier.

So what could I do today?  Laundry, Dishes, Other things?

Well, simply taking care of the dishes I had in the sink from preparing last night's dinner would take only 10 minutes or so.  This means that I'd have to get dressed to do 2, 3, or maybe 4 loads of laundry. Since I have no need to get made up to go outside, I'd make things easier on myself and stay in Mario Mode for this task. But this task didn't need my undivided attention for the better part of 2-4 hours.  So what else could I do?  I still had a storage module to assemble and put into the closet.  This was good for another half hour or so.

As you can see, when I am bored, there are so many ways I could occupy my time. But I easily exhaust those things that have some benefit, and quickly go back to couch potato mode.

- - - - - -

On an ideal day, what would I have done?

One of the things on my list of things to do would be to see the 9/11 memorial in NYC.  It is free on Tuesdays after 5 pm, and "Free" is one of my favorite words!  I like getting out and about in the world as Marian, and I wish I could stay as Marian 24x7. There are problems involved in doing so.  My body has not yet gone through medical transition, so I wouldn't be able to be in any situation where nudity would be involved. Legally, all documents are still in Mario's name, and I would need to go through the ordeal of switching them over to Marian's name.

If I had the money, I'd already be on another cruise to the Caribbean.  As Marian, I like going poolside and getting into hot tubs.  Maybe it's because I see myself as I've always envisioned myself - as a confident, fully empowered female.  Hopefully, one day, I can change this dream into a reality....

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

A weekend with GFJ and some questions that might derail a relationship.

GFJ came down Friday night, and left Monday morning.  A lot transpired in this visit, and yet nothing much happened - as of yet.  But first....

- - - - - -

This past Friday, I had a volunteer stint at Arts Westchester, and as agreed, I returned to find GFJ waiting in my apartment.  This is a rare thing, her being here to greet me when I returned in Marian Mode.  I knew to change back into Mario's presentation, and then greet her properly with a passionate hug and kiss.

The next morning, I got dressed as Marian and went to speech therapy at Mercy college, then returned to change back into Mario mode for the rest of the weekend.  And then we spent a relaxed day together, meeting up with Lili for dinner at the Croton diner.  Lili was feeling a bit down because she has been without a boyfriend for about 2 weeks, and needed to talk.  It was interesting to hear that GFJ still thinks that I dress better than she does. But then, she doesn't have the opportunity to dress nicely, given that she has to be taken seriously in a field where they expect men to have the expertise.

Around 6:45, Lili had to leave, as she had an engagement in Teaneck that she wanted to go to. As for us, we took a short drive and went back to my apartment for the night.

- - - - - -

Sunday morning came, and we had to get out of the house early.  GFJ's mom was expecting us at 11, and her sister was expecting the 3 of us in Eastern Connecticut around noon. As expected, we were a little bit late, but this wasn't much of a problem.  This was my second meeting with her family, and all went well.  One of these days, I'll finally remember the names of everyone.  (It's not like Ex-GF-M's family where all of her nephews looked the same to me - beards and all....)  We had a good time, but then it was time to drive her mom home, and us back to my place.

Once back in Croton, GFJ had a couple of things to say to me, and I think she was a little worried about my feelings towards her.  If anything, I worry about her feelings towards me, as my being TG throws a big risk factor into the relationship.  I tried to be honest as I could, and then we finished the evening on a very happy note.  I'll always worry about her feelings in this area, as she knows I'd rather live as Marian, but intend to retain Mario mode as long as she's with me.  It's probably not easy for her, but that's a discussion for another blog entry.

- - - - - -

Monday came, and GFJ had to leave.  Since she wasn't going to get around to cooking the Hello Fresh pork burger meal she brought with her, she left it with me to cook in the evening. She took a nap when she got home, and I took a nap during the day.  I guess we were both exhausted from the weekend.

Monday, February 18, 2019

Thoughts about working for pay as Marian

A while back, I chatted with the Cat Lady (TCL) and discussed the possibility of me going to work as Marian.  Then, I went to a LGBT job fair to talk with potential employers while in Marian Mode.  The question became more real to me than it ever was before:

"Could I work a regular schedule in the public eye as Marian?"  

And the answer became a definite "Yes!" as long as I wasn't physically uncomfortable on the job, or while commuting to/from the job. For the most part, I seem to be accepted by most people as an overweight, large sized woman who has a voice in the androgynous pitch range. There is no way I can shout in this pitch, but I can talk in this feminine pitch all day - if I'm not the one doing all the talking.

- - - - - -

At the job fair, I chatted with one general purpose non-profit and gave them my resume.  Too bad that the lady I spoke with didn't have her business card with her, as I'd have liked to send her a personal message of thanks.  However, I sent my resume to a woman whose work is recruitment for a large bank. And she forwarded my paperwork to her counterpart who is responsible for Westchester hires.  Since I talked to the first person in Marian Mode, I'll mention that I am trans if I get the chance to speak with another person from the company.  If I then get past the next step, I hope that they will be comfortable with a pre-op trans person representing them - even in a part time position.

- - - - - -

In the past, my brother and I joked about discrimination and affirmative action. I wondered whether I'd have a better chance of finding work as a female.  Well, I could imagine what would happen if I actually did just this, and then had to tell him this story.  What would he think then?  I have no idea, but I'd then show him the above picture and ask him what he thought.  I'm sure that he'd be totally confused after this revelation.

If you think my brother would be confused, could you imagine what my references might think?  This is why I have some ambivalence in regard to using people from places where I used to work.  First, I'd have to find them (they may not work at the bank anymore) to ask again if I could use them as references. And then I'd have to make sure that they knew what I was doing, so that any questions they may have don't cause me any problems. If I get to the point where someone needs to see my references, I'll clue them in sometime in the future.

- - - - - -

A bit more recently, the woman in charge of Arts Volunteer Ambassadors had me working to call previous donors in an effort to solicit donations for their next fund raising event.  After these calls, I chatted with this lady and she liked what I was saying and how I thought.  I mentioned that I was looking for part time work, and she said that she'd put the word out through her network.  Would anything come of it?  I have no idea yet. But I expect that whoever would want to hire me would have to find out about my "transness" when I am at the stage where I fill out paperwork.  How will I address this?  Who knows?  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

- - - - - -

TCL wondered if I could deal with the extra effort of shaving all over and making up my face before going out to work.  Although I felt I could do so, she has a valid point.  As Mario, I could rinse myself off in the shower, do a quick shave, be dressed and out the door in less than 20 minutes.  Whereas, as Marian, this process usually takes me a full hour due to the extra shaving and makeup routines. Heaven help me if my stockings run, as that would add even more time to getting dressed for work.

Of course, getting showered, made up and dressed are not the only parts of female presentation practices I'd have to deal with.  I'd likely be getting Mani-Pedis on a regular basis - probably every other week.  Additionally, I would also need to maintain more wigs and rotate them on a regular basis. If I were presenting as Mario, this would not be an expense. But as Marian, I figure that I'd be going through 3-4 wigs per year at a cost of $400 each. OUCH!  When one adds up things like the cost of makeup and nail maintenance, being a woman is more expensive than being a man.

- - - - - -

Even more recently, I signed up for a LGBT job fair in NYC.  I don't think anything will come of it. But it will be nice to try to find something again - even if it means that some firm is filling up its quota of LGBT candidates.  Could you imagine me going back to work in a "professional" capacity as Marian?  I'm not sure that I could do it anymore as Mario, and less sure that I could do it as Marian.  But I will not want to do the commute to NYC anymore.

- - - - - -

Would all this all be worth it?  I think the answer would be a definite "Yes!"  It would be a little strange at first. But after a little while, it would become second nature - as my outings as Marian have become.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Quickie: Thinking of another short trip.

Sometime soon, I'd like to take another short trip.  As much as part of me wants to travel as Marian, there is a part of me that wants to travel as Mario - just to help cement my relationship with GFJ.  .

What shall I do?

- - - - - -

There are several cities on my train/drive list that I want to visit again, and they include:
  1. Washington, DC
  2. Philadelphia, PA
  3. Boston, MA
In addition to this, I'd like to see the following sites:
  1. The B&O Railroad Museum in Baltimore
  2. Fallingwater in Western PA
  3. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, OH.
And then, I have two cousins I'd like to visit (in Mario Mode), neither of which I've seen in at least 20-30 years.

Assuming I were to drive for any of these trips, I'd put on at least 500-1,000 miles for some of these excursions.  Given that Fallingwater and the Hall of Fame are at least 400 miles away, these are lower priority excursions for me.  However, I could couple visits to my cousins with trips to either Boston for one cousin or to Washington, DC for the other. This might make the mileage more palatable.

- - - - - -

If I could swing a good deal, I'd even consider a cruise.  But I've done both the Caribbean and Canada routes before.  So I'll have to accumulate more money before I consider something other than these routes.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

A day to myself, and a night to volunteer.

The one important thing on my docket for the day was to do an evening volunteer stint at Arts Westchester. But I had two other things that I wanted to take care of: Seeing Pat in the rehab center, and talking with BXM (her dad is dying, and she needs an ear). So I knew this could get to be a busy day when I got up in the morning.

- - - - - -

Last night, I went to sleep later than usual, and I was surprised that I was awake by 9 am this morning.  Instead of catching another hour or two of sleep, I decided to get up and get moving.  This didn't mean that I would be in a rush to get out the door.  Instead, it meant that I'd be tired when I eventually got home from Arts Westchester and found GFJ waiting for me.  (Her plans were to have dinner with a couple of friends in Fishkill then come here tonight, instead of going back to her place after dinner and coming down here in the in the early afternoon.)

For the most part, I didn't do much during the day.  I caught up on some reading, but couldn't say that I accomplished anything of note. I finally got ready to go to Arts Westchester until 5 or so, and didn't arrive there until 7.  And what I was asked to do was escort people to their seats.  It wasn't hard work, but I felt like I was accomplishing a little something for a change. The comedians weren't bad, but neither of them could get a laugh out of me. (It's not them, but me.  Most of the people were enjoying themselves - especially with an alcoholic drink in hand.)  So shortly before the headliner finished her set, I bailed out, as I wanted to spend some time with GFJ while we're both awake.

- - - - - -

Did I try to call Pat?  No.  Did I try to call BXM?  No.  I'll catch up with both of them soon.
But I did have GFJ waiting for me when I got home.  So I quickly switched back to Mario Mode, removed the polish from my fingernails, and got ready to spend the rest of the weekend with her....

Friday, February 15, 2019

It's hard to believe that started my volunteer stint a little earlier than usual...

When I got up today, I knew I had to get moving early - my cleaning lady was coming sometime in the afternoon, and I didn't want to have her see me in Marian mode.  So I was out the door by noon, and had no need to be at home until late this evening.

- - - - - -

Normally, I tend to get up late and arrive at the GLBT Center around 3-4 pm.  This way, I have less time between when I leave the center and when I arrive for game night.  This obviously isn't the case when I'm there to host Film Fridays at 1 pm, but it's almost always the case when I'm there on a Thursday.  Today, I arrived at the center shortly after a leisurely lunch, and was there until roughly 4 pm.

Once I was done at the center, I decided to drive home to take care of a few things before driving to Yonkers. With the crappy weather, I wondered whether going to game night was worth it.  But I said yes.  So I picked up some Munchkins at Dunkin' Donuts, and off I went to Yonkers.

Unlike last week, I didn't arrive in Yonkers in time for the first game  So I sat and chatted a bit.  While playing the next few games, I had this conversation with a woman looking to be the organizer of a currently inactive women's meetup group:

  • Jeanette 9:58 PM 
    Hi, Would you be willing to be a Co-Organizer in a new group, should Gale not step down? 
  • Marian 9:59 PM
    Sounds like a plan. But wait until you meet me first. 
  • Jeanette 10:03 PM
    What makes you say for me to wait until I meet you?
  • Marian 10:07 PM
    I want to make sure that I fit well with the group.
  • Jeanette 10:21 PM
    Over 50? Woman? No children? Hudson Valley?
    I don't understand your concern.
  • Marian 10:38 PM
    I'm transgender. Some women are bothered by that. Most of the women I know aren't bothered. Used to be a part of the Whine and Dine Meetup until it disbanded. Still have lunch with some of the women from that group.
  • Jeanette 10:44 PM
    Ha! That's their problem.

It's nice to know that I'm going to be accepted by at least one of the women in the group!  Now to find the time to hang with them.....

- - - - - -

As game night was ending, one of the regulars needed a ride back to Tarrytown,  Guess who gave him a ride?  It was nice to have someone in the car with me on the way home. But my usual non-thinking routine for my return trip was thrown off, and I made a couple of errors that I might not have made had I been more awake, had the night been clear, and had I been more accustomed to driving to Tarrytown from lower county..

At least I got home safe....

PS: It looks like the woman from the other group had second thoughts after all, and I won't be going to that group.  So sad....

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Not much to do but clean and then go out to dinner.

The above quote is all too true.  And today was the day to prepare for my cleaning lady's monthly scheduled visit.

- - - - - -

One of the things I wanted to do for a while was to assemble a new 3 chamber storage system and place it on top of the existing one already built.  While unpacking the materials, I lost the dowels and nails needed for assembly - so I had to store the materials I could find and hope that I find these items soon.  I'd hate to find out that I wasted money because of some items that cost no more than a few cents....

The longer I live, I find that I need more places to store stuff and that I have to become more ruthless in purging stuff.   Therefore, I have a new task to start on once the cleaning lady is gone - finding at least one "box" worth of stuff each week that I can give away or toss into the dumpster.  The hardest part about this task will be making the decisions, as I've erred too much on keeping things that I'm highly unlikely to ever use again.

All too quickly 5 pm came, and I had to start getting ready for dinner.  Lili didn't do what I asked her to do yesterday - sign up for the meetup on her own.  So she's skipping this week's dinner.  Hopefully, she'll sign up for next week's women's lunch group, as I'd like to find out whether it is a group that I'd feel welcome in as Marian.

- - - - - -

I left the house in time to reach the meetup location with a few minutes to spare.  However, I must have entered an incorrect address, as I ended up in the wrong location.  So I clicked on the "get directions" option button, and spend another 10 minutes in reaching the place.  Had I known where it was, I'd have taken a different route to the restaurant and felt safer getting there.

Arriving in the restaurant, I didn't want to be the only person sitting at the "high chair/high table" setup, as the hostess and one other person had not arrived yet.  So, I pulled over a table and a chair, put it next to the other tables the group was using, and proceeded to sit down.  I'm glad I did this, as the hostess arrived a few minutes late, and it would have been awkward to have her sitting away from the group.

All too soon, dinner ended and it was time to drive home.  I'm glad I saw one road I'm familiar with, as it was much easier to drive home via this one side road and Route 9, than to go to Route 84 and over to Route 9 on a dark and rainy night.

- - - - - -

One the way home, I chatted with GFJ.  Nothing notable except for the frequent call dropping on my end.  There are more dead zones in T-Mobile territory than in Verizon territory, and I'll have to keep this in mind if I want to stay with their service....